Cuts and Bruises
by Carmabaeji - Lively Aria
Summary: What went through Donna's mind on Christmas Eve 2000.


Cuts and Bruises  
  
by Aria  
  
Rating: Same as the show.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own them - no money is coming or going into my bank account due to this. Although, if you decide to send me money, I won't turn it down, I'm a poor student.  
  
Spoilers: A mah-hoosive one for Noel.  
  
Synopsis: what can Donna do to help Josh?  
  
  
  
-WW-  
  
Yesterday morning I walked into Leo's office and told him that we had to get Josh to talk to someone. When he came in yesterday morning he had his hand, wrist and a bit of his forearm bandage. He didn't even try to hide the bandage, when he came in he even took off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves. Not that he doesn't always do that, but, well I just thought he wouldn't have done it today. I'm not even going to say what I thought had happened, and I didn't ask. I think it's pretty obvious what I thought. I tried to not stare directly at his hand, but I kept doing it... And why did my mind jump to that possibility? Because Josh has been acting, well, different recently - who wouldn't be? But I was worried, our easy banter was gone, and I was worried. Yes, I know I said the same thing twice in the same sentence - but that's hardly a record, is it?  
  
And it's how I felt.  
  
How I feel.  
  
At some point Josh noticed the staring, he had stopped whatever he was saying to me, and was waving a hand in front of my face. "Donna!" he yelled, and that was what snapped me out of my reverie. "You okay?" he asked me, when I'd blinked and gotten my eyes back up to his face.  
  
"Yeah, are you?" I asked, my eyes quickly darting to his hand.  
  
Josh caught it, "I got a pretty nasty cut off a broken glass." he replied, and then he looked down at his hand, and then he put it behind him, and asked me if I would find him some more information on that pilot.  
  
I nodded, letting him change the subject. And walked out of his office, and shut the door behind me. I put down his schedule, I hadn't even read it to him yet today, and ran - I literally sprinted to Leo's office, and walked in past his secretary, and just spoke. Sam was talking to him, and they shut up when I pulled the door shut, giving a fair bang.  
  
"If you want Josh to talk to ATVA, do it today."  
  
Leo frowned and looked at Sam, who turned to me, presumably to ask what had happened, and I cut him off. "He has a bandage." I said, taking in a deep breath, half from the fact I was about to say my revelation out loud, and from the run down the corridor - I'm surprised the Secret Service didn't tackle me, passing so close to the Oval office in a dead run.  
  
"A bandage?" asked Leo.  
  
"On his hand."  
  
"A bandage on his hand?"  
  
"It's on his wrist and a little on his arm."  
  
Leo and Sam looked at each other. Sam nodded, "I'll call them." he said to Leo. "Clear his schedule for the afternoon." I nodded, and Sam left the office quickly. I turned to go, but Leo called me back.  
  
"Donna-"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Did he tell you what happened to his arm?" he asked me. I was shocked how calm Leo was.  
  
"Something about a glass."  
  
He nodded, and I turned to leave again. "Are you okay, Donna?" Despite the feeling in the pit of my stomach that told me I was about to throw up - "I'm okay."  
  
Now, twelve and a half hours later, I'm sitting in emergency watching as a nurse unwraps Josh's hand. I don't know if I should look. If I do, will I see what I think I will, in which case do I want to look? Or is it something else - did he really smash a glass? I look away, watching the side of Josh's face. I see him wince as the nurse swabs it with anaesthetic, and then I shut my eyes, and when I open them again, his hand is rapidly disappearing into a new dressing.  
  
"Come back in and we'll change the dressing again in a day or two." Josh nodded, and glanced over at me. "If you'll just sit down, and we'll get you to finish those forms." he nodded, and followed her out of the room - I got up and left the room so I didn't get left behind.  
  
Josh sat down on the chairs in the waiting area, and I put down our bags in the chair next to him. I held his jacket and coat in my arm, and sat down on the other side of him. Once again I watched him, leant over on his knees, about to rub his chin with his free hand.  
  
He looked back at me. I averted my eyes, but he wouldn't have it. "Donna?"  
  
"Hmm?" I replied, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.  
  
"You've looked at me nonstop since we got out of the office." he told me.  
  
I frowned, "What else should I look at?"  
  
"Well I expected you to look at my hand whilst they wrapped it."  
  
I closed my mouth, and watched his eyes, watched his emotions playing out. "I would have thought you'd look at that, but you didn't, you shut your eyes, and you haven't asked either, have you?"  
  
I shook my head and he nodded. "Why not?" he asked plainly.  
  
"I...I don't want to hear the answer." I said. Once again Josh nodded, and the unrolled his sleeves. The waiting room was cold. "I don't want the answer to be what I think it might be."  
  
"Which was?" he asked me. I should have known he would. I told Leo, I told Sam, I spoke to Stanley, and now, Josh was going to ask me to say it out loud, none of them did, they all knew what I thought.  
  
Then as quickly as he'd put me on the stand, he took me off it again. "I didn't slit my wrists, Donna."  
  
Tears brimmed up in my eyes.  
  
"Is that what you thought?"  
  
I turned away from him, blinking, which only served to drop a few tears, not to pull them back.  
  
"I smashed my fist through a window - you can ask the nurse if you like."  
  
I felt a hand on my arm, and I opened my eyes.  
  
"I didn't try to kill myself, Donna, and I'm not going to."  
  
Josh pulled me round to look at him, he rubbed my cheek, using the pad of his thumb to wipe away one of my tears. "I'm not suicidal, Donna, I didn't try to slit my wrists."  
  
I tried to turn away from him again, I just needed a few seconds to compose myself, but Josh wouldn't hear of it. He wrapped me up in a hug, and I dropped his coats on my lap to hug him back. After the first few milliseconds of embarrassment, I gripped his lapel and the buttons on the shirt to hold him to me. I buried my head in the crook of his neck, and waited for the tears to stop. "I'm going to be fine, Donna, the guy from ATVA said I have post traumatic stress disorder - I'm too easy a case for him, he's giving me to another therapist."  
  
I nodded against his damp neck, sniffing in the smell, relishing in the feel of Josh, that he was here and that "I'm not going anywhere." he interrupted my thoughts, "See I'm too easy a case for him, I'll be fine."  
  
I nodded again. I heard a nurse's voice as she said Josh's name - and then Josh asked her to return in a minute. "No." I muttered, and let him go. "I'm fine." I said pulling back, letting go off Josh's lapels, and sitting back.  
  
"You sure?" he asked me, and then he took the clipboard from the nurse.  
  
"Just sign there, and there." She pointed to the clipboard. In various places, and Josh bent down his head, and read the clipboard, it was all medical notes. She looked over at me "Are you alright, Mrs. Lyneham?" she asked.  
  
I didn't bother to correct her, "I'm fine, Thankyou." I said, and looked over at Josh. He was just putting his signature next to the first cross, and moving on to the second. He was trying not to laugh at me. He handed the clipboard back to the nurse, and looked over at me.  
  
"You ready to go, sweetheart?" he asked, I poked him in the ribs. I didn't feel like encouraging him, not after the days we'd had. I stood up and handed him his jacket, and then his coat, and he gave me my purse and collected his backpack.  
  
As we passed through the doors, and back out into the cold, he squeezed my elbow. "I'm not going anywhere, Donna." he said. And I nodded. "Damn straight." I replied, hooking our arms for the walk to the car. "You're going to be fine, Josh." 


End file.
